This is hard...

All of this waiting is hard. I have been told a few times that we are taking the easy way to become parents. There hasn't been much that has been easy. No, I haven't had morning sickness nor will I be going through many hours of labor to birth my child. But I have woke up in the middle of the night sick to my stomach with worry for my children and felt such an urgency to pray for them right away. I have no idea, nor may I ever know what my child(ren) went through before they were at the transition home. Were they fed enough, were they loved on, did anyone hold them when they cried? I have also carried my phone around with me at all times waiting for the call for "my water to break" (haha, get our referral). I heard early on from another adoptive mom that there is a reason that pregnancy only lasts 9 months, thats all a mama's heart can handle before they are so ready to hold their child. It has been over a year since we decided to adopt. On December 22nd it will be one year since we applied to AWAA. We have been DTE (on the official waiting list) since July 9th, which is about 5 1/2 months. AWAA says that the timeline for infant boys is 4-6 months, with most referrals coming at the end of that time frame. (That means our referral does have to come soon, right????)
Unfortunately 2 families with our agency have lost their referrals. Both for good reasons, but such a heartache at the same time. And a different family got a referral for a baby girl yesterday. It was such a blessing for all of us in "the wait" because it has been almost 7 weeks since anyone on our unofficial list got a referral for a baby. So we are currently tied for 3rd for an infant boy and 5th for a infant girl. We won't know if we are blessed with a 2nd child until we get "the call". I really do want 2 children and I think God has been placing this on our hearts for sometime, but when I called our family coordinator she said if we request to only accept 2 children, our wait could be years. There is just no telling how long, so again we put it back in Gods hands and He will bless us with whatever children we are supposed to have. I pretty much have to give it back to God everyday, because I find myself wanting to control how many kids and when, etc. Brad has done a good job of being more relaxed about this for the past month. I don't know why but this past month has been hard. I am ready to get on a plane and go to Ethiopia. God continues to bless us along every part of this journey, sometimes through encouragement of others and sometimes with the gifts other people have given us. Brads co-workers threw us a wonderful shower (post coming soon on that). They are so generous and loving to us! Yesterday we received an anonymous gift and Brad emailed me and reminded me that God is in control. I am so thankful that my husband can remind me of that just when I need it!
We had a conference call with AWAA the other day, they let us know that there are many babies close to being referred but due to sickness and lack of proper documentation they aren't ready to be referred out. But soon!!! Please pray for these sick babies and the Ethiopian government. Some families are waiting close to 4 months for a court date after referral, that has to be hard.
Even though this has been hard, I would do it again. Brad actually emails me often some pictures or country he would like to start the paperwork for as soon as we are done with this adoption. So I know we will do it again. God has taught us both so much through this process and we know that we are following HIS will for our lives. People say you forget all the pain from the wait once you hold your child. I sure hope so and I can't wait for that day!!!