A Little Healing at a Time

It brings me to tears to think about how far Kaleb has come the past 8 months. When we took custody of Kaleb he was so disconnected from us, really any people. He would literally run from us any chance he could. He was so happy to be out of his room at the Transition Home, but he didn’t care to have any interactions with people unless you gave him food (which then made his throw up because he was so overfed). We spent many hours at the TH following Kaleb around the building as he walked/ran to get away from us. He didn’t think it was a game, he just didn’t want to be held or played with. He gave no eye contact for several weeks. Slowly over the last 8 months he has changed into this cuddly boy who loves to be held often and can/will make eye contact. Towards the end of May (after 4 months of not leaving him AT ALL) he began to be very clingy and didn’t want me to leave him. He would scream if I walked out of the room or the house. He cried when we left him at the nursery or at the babysitter’s house. We talked with our social worker to see if we were doing the right thing by leaving him for a short time every once and awhile. She assured us it was good for the bonding process to teach him that mommy and daddy always come back. It was after a few times of leaving him and coming back that I really saw a bond form. The sitter also said he calmed down a minute or so after I left. He still didn’t care for the nursery at church, one week he was so mad he stuck his finger down his throat to make himself throw up. I have been praying for his heart to understand I am his mama forever and that he wouldn’t be so scared when I left him. I’m so thankful that God has been working in his little heart and he seems more comfortable when I drop him off. The past 3 days Kaleb hasn’t cried when I drop him off at the sitters (this is AMAZING from the kicking and screaming I would get before). Kaleb has also stayed in the church nursery for the whole service for the past 2 Sundays. These are the first two church services I have been able to sit the whole way through since I became a mom 18 months ago. My eyes were constantly checking the pager screen because I have gotten paged out every other week. But I was in church the whole time. It was so nice and so needed! I know we aren’t “done” with bonding and Kaleb being upset when I leave him (he does it to Brad too, but I am almost always the one who drops him off), but I am so thankful that his little heart isn’t hurting as much or as often now. Praise God!

Isaiah has also been out of the ‘honeymoon’ and ‘wanting to please’ stage for a few months too. He often says what he really thinks about a situation rather than ‘whatever you want me to do mom and dad’. We are experiencing several typical behaviors of an 11 year old also. Our social worker says this is also wonderful! She says that this means he is bonded more with us and is more comfortable to be real with us. Overall he is a great kid and we are so thankful to have him as our son. He continues to be an excellent big brother to both Kaleb and Jacob. He also continues to ask (daily) when we are going back to Africa to adopt more siblings for him J He slips it into about every conversation. Last night he asked if I would take grapes with us on the plane when we go back to Ethiopia to adopt more brothers and sisters. I told him that I will buy more grapes tomorrow, we don’t need to wait until we fly to Ethiopia. It just goes to show it is something that is on his heart daily and it makes us smile!

Last night Jacob slept all night in Isaiah’s bed. Isaiah often asks to sleep with someone (anyone) and Jacob has been sleeping in our bed still. He often still wakes up crying until he knows we are right there. For the first time (since last April) Jacob was comforted by someone other than me and he went back to sleep. He woke up crying at 1am and by the time I got into Isaiah’s room, Isaiah was already patting Jacob’s back and singing to him. I’m so thankful that he isn’t quite as scared at night as he was at first. God has helped heal his little heart too. I don’t know if he will ever sleep in a bed by himself, but he was happy to be with Isaiah last night!